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Orgasmic Activation: The Key to Unlocking Orgasmic Potential with Susan Bratton (S3E11)

Permission to be Enchanting | Susan Bratton | Orgasmic Cross Training

Warning: This episode contains explicit sexual content not meant for minors. 

Ready for a journey that promises to uncover layers of pleasure you never knew existed? Join Clare Sente and “Intimacy Expert to Millions💋Susan Bratton as they talk about orgasms and explore techniques to cultivate a variety of orgasmic experiences. Discover the secrets of Orgasmic Activation and Cross Training, and learn how to enhance your orgasmic potential with a partner. Susan, a best-selling author and publisher of 44 books and programs on better sex, shares the latest sex research on arousal and the pleasure pathways created in the brain. Understand that incredible orgasms are a learned skill that every woman can master. Don’t miss this enlightening and empowering conversation on unlocking your full orgasmic potential.

Listen to the episode here

Orgasmic Activation: The Key to Unlocking Orgasmic Potential with Susan Bratton

Hello, beautiful. We have a very sexually explicit episode. I’m just saying, no minor should be tuning in to this conversation. I’m interviewing my guest, Susan Bratton. An intimacy expert to millions is her tagline. I’ve admired her ability as an entertaining and prolific sex educator with over 44 books and online programs related to having great sex. 

She’s also a smart and successful female business owner, which I admire. Susan loves to talk about the variety of orgasms a woman’s body is designed to experience. She knows this from personal experience, she is knowledgeable about the latest sex research and who specifically is doing this research. She’s probably friends with that researcher, and she can motivate any woman in midlife to realize she most likely has not even begun to experience the amount of orgasmic pleasure her body is capable of feeling.

In this episode, we talked about orgasmic activation and orgasmic cross-training. I hope that sounds interesting to you because I knew about neither of those beforehand. We talked about nipplegasms and learning how she was learning to love her breasts in midlife and how much pleasure they now offer her and her lovers when this used to be a body part that she didn’t like before when she was younger. I love that story.

The way a sommelier knows wine to suggest is the way Susan was advising me to try some different sex toys when I told her that the vibration of a sex toy is typically too strong for me. This woman has a lot to offer and there are some freebies she offers our audience and we will have links in the show notes.

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I have a lovely guest I can’t wait for you all to meet. Her name is Susan Bratton, and she is an intimacy expert to millions. She’s a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. She is the co-founder and CEO of two companies, one called Personal Life Media Inc. A publisher of the Better Lover brand of heart-connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills. She is also the co-founder of the 20 LLC, which is a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance vitality. 

One of the ones that I discovered at least four years ago is called Flow. I love it and I use it as a way to give me more confidence again now that I have been in menopause and the same situation with a lover hasn’t changed, we’re not in a fight, and we love each other and we have great sex. Since menopause, there’s not as much lubrication. I love how taking some flow before makes me feel like I don’t have any limitations. I love that you created that. Susan, welcome. I’m excited to have you here.

Permission to be Enchanting | Susan Bratton | Orgasmic Cross Training

I am so happy to see you and be with you and basking in your beauty. You are sexy, gorgeous, kind, smart, beautiful, and a champion of orgasmic pleasure. What is not to love? It is my joy to be here with you. 

Thank you. I discovered Susan 4 or 5 years ago. That’s when I started taking the Flow. What I want to tell you before she says anything more is that I’m an educator at heart I’ve been a dietician for about 25 years. I’m retired and now I thought, “How do I get people excited about caring about their bodies, about eating good foods?” I’d always try and bring in props and make life interesting. I wanted to be the teacher that people remembered. When you see Susan dressed up for her sexy teaching experiences, it’s like wow. If we had this kind of teacher, we would all be having great orgasms. 

My favorite costume I like to dress up in is the orgasmonaut. I’m like an astronaut of orgasm, where I go to the far reaches of orgasmic outer space and I come back with the map so you can find your way to it too. I have this ridiculous silver jumpsuit and I love to dress up in that as the orgasmonaut. You’re inspiring me. I think in my next public speaking thing, I’ll dress up as the orgasmonaut. Why the heck not? 

Permission to be Enchanting | Susan Bratton | Orgasmic Cross Training
Orgasmic Cross Training: I’m like an astronaut of orgasm where I go to the far reaches of orgasmic outer space and I come back with the maps, so you can find your way to it too.

You’re so vibrant. I’m big on when I see someone on screen or in person, it’s how my body feels when I see that person. When I see you, I go, “I feel safe with her. She loves talking about this.” You can tell she loves talking about this. She wants to help people and it’s such a joy because there aren’t enough people who can talk about orgasms, foreplay, and sexual dysfunctions like no big deal because here’s how we’re going to work with it. We need more of that.

I want my audience to hear the magic and get inspired like I have by watching you and following you. We’re going to talk about orgasms and how to be confident and ask what you want in bed and then get it. Who knows where it will lead? You said when we first started, you said, “Are we going to talk about orgasms, Claire?” I’m like, “Hell yes, we’re talking about orgasm.” What would you like to tell our audience about orgasm? Is there something new that you have read something or that’s on top of your mind that you want to talk about? 

Safe In Our Body

I have a couple of things I want to talk about. One is that I want to talk about the twenty different kinds of orgasms that I’ve experienced so far. I would like to talk about something that I call orgasmic activation and how orgasm works. I read this thing about nipplegasms from a very famous expert who I cannot name because I’m about to rip her new one on your show.

She was so definitely wrong about her approach to it. It bums me out because it’s a common misunderstanding that I think people have about the human body and our orgasmic potential. I would like to talk about orgasmic cross-training as well. I want to give people not only what’s possible but how you get there or that map to the territory. 

There was something that you said right in the beginning that I’d like to comment on before we move into orgasm. That was, you said, “My body feels safe.” One of the things that the only way that you’re going to get to all kinds of orgasms over the next 20 or 30 years of your life of sexual experimentation and trying new things and doing this cross-training and activation is if your body feels safe. If you can be communicative with a partner. You can give yourself a lot of orgasms and they’re nice but it’s like scratching your own back. 

Giving yourself a good orgasm can be very releasing, rejuvenating, and relaxing. It can reset your nervous system and give you a nice oxytocin boost and do all those things that are healthy. That is why sex is healthy, whether it’s solo pleasuring or partnered play. I think it has to come into, “I feel safe in my body.” Especially for women. 

Some people in general want it to be dangerous. They want it to be edgy. They like things that are unsafe but they are not the big bell curve or the norm, if you will. I speak to the big bell curve. That’s my area of expertise. Results may vary, but these are the typical results because I think that helps the most people. If you’re the person who likes it dangerous, that’s okay. You got a wire you set in there that flips your trigger that way. It was probably from trauma. 

We all have traumas of various kinds, but generally, especially the female-bodied person, there are a couple of interesting things. One is that we have the vulva, vagina, clitoral, urethral, and perineal soft tissues of our genital system. Our male body partners have their penis, prostate, and testicle system. They’re the same parts arranged in different order. Emily Nagostia taught us that, which was great. The homologous genitalia. 

They do operate similarly. Men can have twenty kinds of orgasms too. They just don’t realize they can. They’re beginning to understand that they can separate orgasm from ejaculation, have an ejaculatory choice, become multi-orgasmic men, and those kinds of things, but then in the brain, which is the other big sex organ, there’s either testosterone dominant or oxytocin dominant. 

This comes from the work of neuroscientist, sexologist, and personal current favorite girl crush Dr. Nan Wise, who wrote Why Good Sex Matters? If you want her on your show, let me know. I’ll introduce you. What’s interesting about what Nan says is that we have the vulva, and I’m going to call it a Yoni, which is a tantric love-making word for the general system, because I find that to be spiritually collective and comprehensive. 

I don’t want to talk about one part or another part a medicalized version of our sexuality, then the lingam, which is the male member and testicles and prostate system. Typically, not always, but a very typical big bell curve is that the Yoni owner has estrogen dominance and the Lingam owner has testosterone dominance. They make us very different sexual beings. 

There’s this third piece and there’ll be more as we discover them but what Nan discovered is that when we’re gestating and we’re becoming masculine or feminine, we also lay down these neural pathways and can be more testosterone-rich or oxytocin-rich. It doesn’t necessarily mean that if you have a penis, you’re more testosterone-rich, or if you have a vulva, you’re more estrogen-rich. 

There are a lot of varieties of things. You add into it genetic anomalies and SNPs, such as people with certain serotonin genetic profiles. If they are hurt or harmed during their relationships and sexual experiences, they can’t seem to get over it in a way that other people can be like, “That was shitty and I got to get through that and I got to heal from that, but I’ll be okay.” There are people who every time they think of it, it’s like a fresh gash wound, bloody, bleeding, killing their heart, and making them miserable. 

It’s their particular genetic profile that about 20% of us have a hard time getting over betrayals, hurts, abandons, and traumas. I enter into this conversation with you, Clare, holding all of the people that I’ve described in my heart and thinking about that because we do have to understand that for most of us in our female bodies, we need to feel safe because we are prey and men are predators. 

Ninety-nine percent of men around the world, country by country, are the people who are the traumatizers and the women are the traumatized. This comes to how vital it is if you want to have a beautiful sex life that fuels your creativity, your passion, your youthfulness, your vitality, your lust for life, not just lust for sex. You absolutely must listen to your body and feel safe in it to begin the journey of this beautiful sexual unfoldment that can last your entire lifetime. Sex can keep getting better and better as you age. Your best sex is ahead of you. 

If you’re one of those people who’s like, ‘Wait, I’m a betrayed person and I can’t get over it,” on my website at BetterLover.com, watch about one hour of my interview with Nan Wise. She tells you how to unwind that crazy bullshit that’s plaguing you and how to work through it and finally get right with it because it’s a very important recipe.

Knowing what you want and being able to ask for it and having your partner not contract or emotionally collapse or feel like they were rejected or did something wrong or took it as failure is a very delicate thing. It’s a needle that we must get a thread into a very small hole. It comes from a combination of two things. I want to give you a technique. It’s called the Sexual Soulmate Pact. A pact is an agreement between two people or more. 

It goes into detail, but what it does is it teaches you how to listen to what your body is telling you in every moment and truly honor it and hear it, and then speak words to your partner to explain what it is that your body is feeling in any moment because we are cyclical creatures. Even after menopause, we are moon women and we must honor what our body is telling us. 

The more that we use the sense because sex is sensual. One of our senses is interoception. It is like, “I feel my labia swelling. I feel my breasts getting turned on. I feel my spit running. I feel my lubrication coming in. I feel a little gassy. I am going to fart when I have intercourse.” Whatever it is that you’re feeling. 

When you said about predator and prey, I got a tightening in my chest when I was thinking about the predator part. Yes, getting ourselves used to listening to these subtle things in our bodies. When we live in our head because the world wants us to live in our head, we are not connected to that, then we wonder why we can’t feel great orgasms because we haven’t had a chance to practice that. 

Yesterday, I went on this long bike ride and it was Mother’s Day. When I came back, I wanted my partner to go down on me. I hadn’t had oral pleasuring for a long time. I’ve been sitting on that bicycle seat and I wanted him to get his tongue in there and unpack my labia out of my vagina. That was all we did yesterday. That was the whole thing. We didn’t have intercourse. We didn’t make out. 

I lay down and butterflied my legs, we put pillows under them, and I got my butt up on a pillow. I lay there and relaxed in the sunshine, streaming in the window while my partner went down on me. It was super nice. What I realized was I said to him, “Can you do it lighter?” He did it lighter. I said that I think I need it lighter still. I think I need it. It feels good even lighter. 

He did the lightest little, tiny, wonderful licking of my labia, clitoris, clitoral hood, outer labia, and entrance to my vagina. He was slow and languid. I didn’t try to come. I got to the point where I was essentially orgasming the entire experience because I relaxed. I opened, I allowed, I didn’t force, and I didn’t try. Once he got that right lightness, I could feel like I was in an orgasm the entire time. I was riding the sensation. 

He had no issue with anything. I asked for it. He said, “Yes.” He was taking a nap. This 25-mile bike ride was exhausting. He was lying there and I said, “I’m going to get in the shower now. Can you lay down the fascinator on the bed? When I get out, can you get in the shower, then I’ll be lying in bed when you arrive?” He replied, “Yes, I can do that for you.” Orally, I wanted my pussy yesterday. I just needed that. 

We comped out afterward and then woke up in time to head out for dinner with friends. We were completely excited. It was such a nice afternoon. When I first met him, if I had done that where I asked, I would have never been able to ask for exactly what I wanted. I would have never been able to completely receive and feel like I would have thought, “I’ve got to give him what he wants. I’ve got to give him a blow job or whatever.” 

Because he loves giving me what I want, it’s as pleasurable for him to go down on me as it is for me to have him go down on me. I could ask him lighter and then lighter and then lighter many times. He never took it like he was doing anything wrong, but he would have in the beginning. It does come from practice, requesting and having your requests not only graciously accepted but appreciated. When you get your partner to the point where they are so happy with anything that you ask them for and you’re the same for them, it lets you do so many more fun things together.

Permission to be Enchanting | Susan Bratton | Orgasmic Cross Training
Orgasmic Cross Training: It really does come from practice, requesting and having your requests not only graciously accepted but appreciated, when you get your partner to the point where they are so happy for anything that you ask them for and you are the same for them.

The Sexual Soulmate Pact is at SexualSoulmatePact.com and it’s a downloadable PDF that has the step-by-step that you give your dude because he only wants a step-by-step. He doesn’t want stories. He doesn’t want long details. He’s like, “Tell me what to do. I will do it.” It’s for you to get over being in your head, not connecting with your Yoni and you’re worried that you’re going to get shut down by your partner because they’re going to contract around feeling like they did something wrong.

They’re going to start realizing that you’re making them a winner. It’s a ninja technique that works very well. I know you wanted to talk about that. Since you started with what I felt in my body, I thought that was a great place for us to begin to set the landscape. I feel like the Sexual Soulmate Pact, I’ve written hundreds and hundreds of techniques over the last decades. 

She has a plethora of information. 

I feel like that’s the one that everything sits upon. It is the platform onto which all the pleasure techniques and all the other things that you can do, it sits on that and supports it just like relaxation is the foundation to climb up the arousal ladder to have longer, more exquisite, more lengthy, intense, and full-body orgasms. 

I would love for the audience to know when you talk about that you went on a bike ride with your partner, your husband, how long have you been together? 

I went on a bike ride with my boyfriend and I’ve been with him for three years. I had a boyfriend for nine years before that. My husband, who you met, Sir Tim, the Prince Among Men, I have been married to him for 30 years, been with him for 32. We’ve had an open or poly-style relationship for 20 out of our 30 years together. 

She’s had girlfriends along the way. I’ve had girlfriends along the way. Sometimes we’re in the mood to go out and experience different people. Other times we’re happy with the partners we have had for many years. It works very well. Honestly, I need a couple of guys to take care of me. I have a lot going on. I travel a lot. 

My husband doesn’t always want to go to everything that I want to go to. He’s more of an introvert, stays at home, works on numbers and things like that. I’m more of go out and speak from stage and my crazy costumes and stuff like that. We have a very nice poly relationship together. We all get along super well. It’s more love and that’s one of the things I like about it. 

I didn’t realize I was opening up the door with that one. I knew about your lifestyle, but that could be a whole nother episode because I have so many women who are going to ask, “Wait, she’s been with her husband for 30 years, but they opened it up and how do you do that?” That’s a whole one. We’re not going to go down that path because I feel like if we’re talking about the bell curve, some of the things that you said, that’s me too, I’m in that bell curve. 

I can so relate to that Clare who was 38, could never have laid on, my boyfriend and I call it the workbench where it’s like I raised the massage table to the right height so he can pull up a chair and he can be comfortable and I can relax. I could never have done that fifteen years ago. I would be saying, “I should come. His tongue is getting tired. He’s probably bored right now.” 

All that stuff in our head that believe me, 95% of us, but mostly women and vulva owners are thinking that. That’s the part that shuts it down and I was lucky that he helped draw that out of me where he’s like, “No, relax. You’ve got more orgasms.” He’s the one who helped me become multi-orgasmic because I would have stopped at one and thought, “This was wonderful.” That’s interesting. Again, I want to plant some seeds as you learn to be more safe in your body. 

Also, learn to get out of your head and be in your body and then maybe communicate some of these vulnerabilities with your partner, like I’d love to relax for 30 minutes or whatever it is, a partner and have you not go for the orgasm with me but go for the pleasure. I don’t want to have to be in my head thinking, “Should I have an orgasm ready? Is he getting bored?” Let’s put that container that says, “Yes, I just want to relax and have fun.” 

Orgasmic Activation

The other thing, too, is that after a while when you learn how to come pretty well, the cums come out of you like a wellspring. They’re in there and they’re going to start flowing out. It won’t take any effort to get there. That’s that orgasmic activation piece that I mentioned earlier. There are stairsteps in everything. 

There was a study done on I think 41 women, where nurse practitioners touched them on their genitals in different locations. They touched their breasts and nipples. They touched their clitoral tip. They touched their inner labia and they touched the opening to their vagina, the intraoral sphincter. The women needed to report what they felt. I read all the verbatims. Essentially, the researchers drew the wrong conclusion. 

That was because they didn’t know. What they said was some women prefer clitoral touch and some women prefer touch in the vagina. Some women like breast pleasuring and some women don’t. I read all the verbatims and these are very simple categories because we have very simple human emotions. They felt shame when they were touched in a place, they felt pain, they felt numb, or they could feel pleasure. 

Fifty percent of women felt more pleasure in their vaginal introital sphincter, and only 40% in their clitoral structure. I thought to myself, “There are two things. Number one, every single part of this could be activated to feel pleasure. It currently feels pain, shame, or numbness.” That’s where it is right now. With the appropriate touch, with the appropriate partner, with the appropriate safety, every single part of that area, all of those areas feels immense amounts of pleasure.

That’s the orgasmic activation which is that every part of your body has neural pathways to your brain. That’s the work that Nan did, where she put women in an MRI and looked at where the blood was flowing and what parts of the brain, depending on where women were pleasured by their partners in different ways. 

Every part of your body has narrow pathways to your brain. Share on X

What she also found, she said that all these different parts light up different areas. Each one of these has a different location that gets activity in the brain when it’s pleasured. She did this experiment brilliantly. She said, imagine that you have a dildo in your vagina that turns you on, imagine it. She could get the blood flow. 

She lit up right there when you said that. My body went, “Yes, that sounds good.” Yep, if someone had an MRI, it would be like, “Yes, that lit up.” 

What she essentially figured out was that you can think about orgasms. We’ve always thought offs or braingasms or erotic hypnosis come on command. That’s another pathway to this touchless orgasm, that kind of thing. We can all do that. It also sends more pleasure to the brain. Orgasmic activation is every single part can feel exquisite pleasure. 

One of the ways that you start to have these twenty kinds of orgasms that all human bodies can have is by activating the pathways to your brain by touching, stimulating, and pleasuring the different areas of your body. I was telling you before we started recording about how I was annoyed by this nipplegasm article that I read today. 

Tell us what annoyed you.

I’ve shown up today to work through it. I need to process it with you for a minute. Let’s do nipplegasm processing with you today. Are you game? 

I am. I’m open. I’m here for you. 

Nipplegasms

The person who was writing about this, bottom line was that she said, “For some people, their nipples are sensitive and orgasmic and for other people, they’re not. If you’re not, it’s okay. You don’t have to be.” That’s not what I would say. What I would say is that nipples are an exquisite part of sexual pleasure. The three-legged stool of physical body arousal is the mouth, lips, tongue, tip of nose, sides of the neck, and inside of the throat, all have erectile tissue. 

Nipples are an exquisite part of sexual pleasure. Share on X

The breasts and nipples have erectile tissue, and the Yoni has erectile tissue. The erectile tissue is when you touch it and stimulate it, it gets the blood flow. You said you were taking Flow. That’s so kind of you. I’m glad that you love it. It gets the blood flowing with nitric oxide. It expands the tissue, which increases the surface area of the tissue, which allows the sensation to send more pleasure signals to your biggest sex organ, your brain.

If you want to have nipplegasms, one of my very favorite things that I love to do is I love to make out with my lover, kiss them, while I’m stroking his penis or Lingam and he’s playing with my breasts and nipples. We look into each other’s eyes and we take our time and he comes to me over and over again. I’m stroking him and laying in all that nice engorgement. 

I’m getting that buried shaft. I’m doing light strokes, heavier strokes, long strokes, and short strokes. All of that is increasing the surface area of his penis because he can get an erection by himself. If he has manual pleasuring and oral pleasuring, it’s an even better erection for him, which means he’s got more surface area, which means he’s got more pleasure. 

I didn’t used to like my breasts touched. I can’t believe I didn’t like my breasts touched. I can’t believe I didn’t think my breasts were beautiful. We are all so hard on ourselves and now at 62, I love my boobs more than I ever have in my entire life. I’m having incredible orgasms that were simply a learned skill. They’re all learned skills.

The last piece of it is this notion that you can use sex tools. I like your workbench. I’ve got some tools to go with your workbench, Clare. I’m imagining these little pockets all around the edge of the massage table with all these little pockets for all these little sex tools. I’m also imagining how hot you look in one of those little tool belts with a bunch of vibrators in there. I think that’s your best one. 

I want to dress up one day and go on the road. 

You need some Daisy Dukes, a tight tank top, and some tool belts with vibrators in it. 

I love the image. 

Orgasmic Cross Training

You are so adorable in that. Talk about tool time, girl. The thing that I like to also have women do is orgasmic cross-training.

Go back to that. What’s that? 

What I did was an exhaustive review of all of the different kinds of sex toys in the world. I went to a friend of mine, Kristen Tribby, who runs Fun Factory. She’s the VP of Marketing for Fun Factory, which I think is the best sex toy manufacturer in the world because of its range, quality of materials, inclusiveness, inventiveness, and the motors are unbelievable. 

Everything about them is the best. There are lots of other good brands too that have very interesting niches and unique products but for one company that is across the board, amazing, they’re a German company, Fun Factory. I said to Kristen, “It seems like there are these basic categories of toys. Have you ever thought about that?” She said, “Yes, there are.”

These are the categories and this is why they’re the categories. I said, “That makes total sense.” That combined with another one of my mentors, Sheri Winston, who wrote what I think is the seminal book called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, a sex book of the year. She’s incredible. I know her. If you want her on your show, let me know. Sheri was the one who originally over a decade ago taught me this notion of orgasmic cross-training.

It was about if you want to learn to orgasm in more than one way like you’ve got a pathway. Good for you. You got your pathway. If you play with your clit exactly this way, you can give yourself an orgasm. Good. Now start cross-training, get that one going, and do some nipple stimulation or whatever it might be. Do that while you’re having intercourse because everyone can have orgasms from intercourse. Everyone. It is a learned skill. You are not the woman who can’t. You are the woman who hasn’t yet. 

Everyone can have orgasms from intercourse. It is just a learned skill. You are not the woman who can't; you are the woman who hasn't yet. You're not broken. Share on X

You’re not broken. You just haven’t learned yet.

Exactly and you don’t want your husband saying, “I guess you can’t, but I still want to get laid.” You have to figure it out together. When Sheri told me, I’d known about organic cross-training, then when Kristen told me about the categories of tools, I was like, “Let’s use the tools for orgasmic cross-training.” It stimulates the erectile tissue even more quickly than fingers and tongues. 

You can use multiple of them together. You can have a vibrating internal dildo with an external clitoral vibrator with anal plug and some nipple clamps. You can keep stacking all these things too. You can start stimulating all three zones of your pleasure body. That helps a lot of women get more orgasmically activated because it’s getting all the tissue going, it’s getting the blood flow, it’s getting the signals to the brain, and then she’s starting to come in all these different ways. 

Once she starts doing that, you don’t even have to use all the tools at once. You can use them individually and activate all the areas to get orgasms from each one of those. Once you do that, it is so easy to have orgasms. The pathways are there. You know how to relax. You don’t have to worry anymore. You start having these incredible orgasms in all these different ways. 

You can be like, “What else is there?” “I want to activate my G spot. I want to learn about female ejaculation. I’d like to try those erotic hypnosis orgasms and learn that. I want to try spanking or some sensation play. I want to have throatgasms giving my husband oral pleasuring. He thinks I’m doing it for him, but I’m doing it for myself. I want to have orgasms from intercourse. I want to have cervical orgasms. I want footgasms, coregasms, and braingasms.” 

It goes on and on and on. I think when a woman hears this, she’s probably thinking one of two things. One thinks, “God, that sounds exhausting,” or, “Where do I start? How do I do that?” At OrgasmicCrossTraining.com, I have eight categories of cross-training tools and I have multiple selections within each of the eight categories. There is an asterisk next to the ones that are part of my Quiet Vibe award-winning tools. There are a lot of people who are like, “My god, this sounds exhausting.” You’ve got kids in the home. 

They don’t have their private time and they don’t want their kids hearing them using some giant Hitachi magic wand that like sounds like they’re doing some spackling in the bathroom. You’ll be able to find the quiet ones as well if you live in a community or you have children in the home or what have you. I think the first step is integrating some pleasure tools into your stimulation practices, both solo and partnered. That’s the easiest on-ramp to all the orgasms you can handle. 

Permission to be Enchanting | Susan Bratton | Orgasmic Cross Training
Orgasmic Cross Training: The first step is really just integrating some pleasure tools into your stimulation practices both solo and partnered.

You give me so many new things to think about. I haven’t been that big of a fan of tools because I’m sensitive and some of that desensitizes me. Too much vibration, like how you were saying with your partner, lighter. That’s me in a nutshell. “Breathe on me, just put a breath on me and I’m going to be aroused. 

In oral, you could spend some time where they have this heat coming from breath. I’m wired to be pretty sensitive. Sometimes some of those can feel too much. Someone else could say, “I’m numb and that’s the only way I feel something.” It’s going to be able to help all sorts of people on all sorts of spectrum.” 

Have you tried the Womanizer Air Stimulator?

No, I don’t. I have maybe three toys. 

That’s the one I would get for you. It starts up very light. What it does is it sucks the tip of your clitoris into this little hole. Super light. I think you could do that on the lightest setting and you could ride that for a long time. They also have one called the duo. These are on the page Orgasmic Cross Training. It curves around and it comes in so that it hooks into your G spot. You have this nice little piece that’s doing G spot pleasure very lightly while it’s suckling your clitoral shaft and gland. You get a nice blended orgasm. You can turn it way up and do it super hard, but I don’t like to do that either.

G force nine. 

I like to do it very lightly and let it work. Give it time, drop into the sensation, and ride the sensation. This might be nice for you, and then there’s another one. This one is called the Poco. This is from a company called the MysteryVibe and it’s bendable and it’s a layup. It lays on the clitoral area inside the vestibule between the labia and down to the opening of your vagina and lays there. 

What I like about it is it has Bluetooth apps on your phone and you can set it to do this symphonic journey for you. You can lie there and ride the symphonic experience where it takes you, peaks you, and lets you down, which is what our operating system needs to become multi-orgasmic. It’s not a race to the finish as hard as you can. It’s a very slow stair-stepping of incremental pleasure as you go so that you can come and come. Each time you come, it becomes more intensely pleasurable and it lasts a little longer so that they build upon themselves. Another thing is that many women slap it on as hard as they can, drive it, peak at it, and then blow it out. That’s what makes them overly sensitive. 

I like that. As I was talking to you before we were recording, the idea of helping someone who is used to having their body race to the finish line, it takes practice to feel like you’re going up the mountain a little bit of desire, arousal, and then to just plateau, allow that to spread, to breathe, and to relax. Keep relaxing, as you said, and opening your body and having more of that erectile tissue get lumped up so that it gives it more chance to be stimulated. 

That I have found in most of the people I’ve worked with their brains, that feels foreign, that feels bad, that feels like, “Wait, you’re having me lose my erotic potential, I need to keep going.” It’s like, “No, breathe and plateau.” That’s how when someone says, “My God, how do people talk about that?” As you said, the Sunday afternoon of having hours of riding this wave. 

That’s how you have to try. Get a little bit excited and then let that move around to places in your body. Most of us women and men, I guess, but women were tensing for the orgasm. That was my biggest change of going from one orgasm to many thirteen years ago. Someone told me, “Why are you contracting after the orgasm?” I said, “I want to keep all the goodness in.” He replied, “No, you lay flat and let that relax.” 

My brain had to be retrained and I’m lucky that someone did that for me. If you’re tuning in, no one has to do that for you but realize that It could feel foreign and odd and you’re doing it wrong because you’re like, “No, I’m getting excited and I only have twenty minutes before my kids come home from school and I got to get this done.” 

That’s fine, those days you need that. As we said, we want the oxytocin, we want the release but if you want to practice as you said, to have this variety and to have more room to have more orgasmic potential, there has to be room for that plateau of just, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m circulating this wonderful energy.” It’s not constantly stepping up the mountain to the pinnacle.

Toggling

I call that toggling. I learned that from Dr. Patti Taylor, one of my other mentors. I’ve had so many incredible mentors.

Female mentors? 

Yes. She taught me toggling, which is toggling your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system, which allows you to climb your orgasmic pleasure higher and higher. When you combine that with deep breathing into the Yoni, you’re breathing through your nose down into your Yoni. That relaxes the sympathetic nervous system so that you can get up higher and have more orgasms. 

Dr. Patty is the person who taught me the expanded orgasm practice. Tim and I have been doing that for a couple of decades now, a few times a week. He essentially does a five-stroke clitoral technique to me along with a general Yoni massage. We use the Leia 3 vibrator. I think that’s on that Orgasmic Cross Training page to bring in a lot of blood flow into the vulva first. 

I love that. It relaxes and gets everything going. When he strokes me, he can get me into an orgasm. Instead of thinking about the old Masters and Johnson orgasm from the 1960s, which is now 60 years old, that’s where you get turned on and you peak and then you have to have this refractory period. You don’t have to have that. You don’t need that. What you need is the toggling where you take a little peak, a little beat, and that relaxation, that loss of sensation helps your body open to even more pleasure when the sensation resumes.

That’s the expanded orgasm. That’s the orgasms that keep getting longer and more intensely pleasurable as you have them. That’s from a very light clitoral stroke. I think you’d like that, Clare. I think you’d like that expanded orgasm practice. I think your partner would like it too. When I give you all my books and programs, look at ExpandHerOrgasmTonight.com. That one, I’ll give that to you too. 

One of the things I like about it is that there are 21 erotic play dates that you and your partner have that are different facets of learning this stroking practice. Each day that you do it, you’re doing your practice, you’re doing the stroking, but you’re coming at it from one of these 21 erotic play dates. When you do that, you learn something new about your body, your partner, communication, and pleasure. One day it’s about toggling, one day it’s called start-stop. There are all these differences, and one of them is called Sharing Frames. That’s one of my favorites because that’s something that you do after you make love. 

Each of you takes a moment and describes something that was happening in your lovemaking date and you describe it from a body-based perspective, which Clare you’d be so good at because you can feel what’s going on in your body. Your internal reception is excellent. You notice your body sensations. That’s a learned skill too. Sharing frames is like, “What was your favorite thing about yesterday?” 

I love that. I would love to hear what my partner said was one of my favorite parts. The way your body responded this way or the way my body gets so excited. We do it in coaching where we talk about what are the highlights. What are your takeaways? I never thought about doing that after lovemaking with my partner. 

Isn’t that so sweet? It binds you together in precious ways. I think we’ve hit a good number of things today together and I have thoroughly enjoyed talking to you. You are such a precious angel. It’s been such a pleasure. Can you believe this is my life? This is what I get to do, talk to Claire about orgasms. How lucky is Susan Bratton? 

Me too. I was like, “Guess what I get to do today?” This is the highlight of my day. Susan, when you’re talking, my Yoni kept lighting up. Every time she heard something, she was like, “That sounds good.” It was wonderful today. We will have lots of links in the show notes to all the wonderful things that Susan has. 

Didn’t I tell you that she is a powerhouse of a wealth of information? She’s 62, I’m 61, and we’re having the best sex of our lives? That’s worth thinking about instead of thinking, “I’m 40 and my body’s going to go downhill and forget my best sex life probably peaked at 28.” It’s like, “No. You gave me ten new things to be thinking about.” 

I’m going to send you this pleasure protocol. Speaking of getting your Yoni all turned on, this has an awakened arousal oil. It’s like a pre-lube. It gets your lubrication flowing and then there’s this sex oil, which is their slide and glide. I also love their melts. You pop a little cocoa butter, botanical troche up inside your vagina. They also have booty melts. It melts in that vaginal mucosal lining. 

You don’t need to try to get up in your vagina which is great when you’re older and you have a little lubrication loss, it puts it up in there for you and melts and it’s so nice. I’m glad I thought to tell you that I’m going to send you that too. It’s at PleasureProtocol.com For those of you who are like, “I need to wake it around. I want a pre-lube. I need some melts.” It’s at PleasureaProtocol.com. There you go, that’s all the good stuff I have for today. 

You have a plethora. Thank you so much, Susan. You’re beautiful to look at and so fun to listen to. I hope we’ll circle back and speak again. 

God, I can’t wait to. Please have me back on and let me know who you want me to introduce you to. I’d love to be back. 

Thank you so much.

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