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Secrets Of Female Pleasure With Sheri Winston (S3E12)

Wholistic Sex Educator and author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure, Sheri Winston talks with Clare Sente about teaching pleasure-centered sex ed for grown-ups. She coined the term, “FEN” = Female Erectile Network. Come learn about female anatomy related to great sex, you will never be able to look at a jumbo roll of paper towels the same way again! Sheri was featured on an episode of Strange Sex on the TLC channel. The episode was called Ms. Orgasm.

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Secrets Of Female Pleasure With Sheri Winston

Sheri’s Journey

Welcome to this next episode where I interview Sheri Winston, who is the Author of a wonderful book dedicated to enhancing a woman’s pleasure. It’s called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure. Even though I get the title goofed up and call it buried treasure instead of pleasure. I think that women do have a lot of buried pleasure and treasure. Sheri does a great job of telling us about the female erectile network and how she coined that term and how it works.

I love how she incorporates her background in being an art student, though she dropped out and became the nurse and a midwife practitioner. In this book, she drew all of the drawings of female anatomy and that’s cool. I also learned this altered state of consciousness that happens when you are sexually aroused and how the longer you and your partner spend on arousal, the deeper you can go into this altered state of consciousness.

It’s a great and beautiful time to reprogram our beliefs about our bodies, our sexuality, and our partners. We got a little political at the end and I love that because we do need to have authority over our bodies. Sheri pointed out that every sex-negative culture is a woman-negative culture. Every culture that keeps a woman from being free and empowered is always sex-negative. Some words to think about. I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I did and have a read.

My guest is Sheri Winston. We’re going to talk about her amazing book and her background in teaching holistic sexuality. Her book is called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure. We’re going to be talking about it’s a female pleasure. Welcome. Can you tell us a little bit about what made you want to create this? I know you have a lot of experience with already being a registered nurse, a certified nurse midwife, and a gynecological nurse practitioner. You are used to teaching classes. How many years or decades have you been teaching people about their bodies and birthing babies?

I’ve been teaching women for twenty-something years how to have awesome births, which involve things like learning how to use your breath, make sounds, open up, and use your pelvic floor to open and let babies out, how to use your imagination, your intention, and your focus, teaching all of this stuff. It wasn’t until I was in my early 30s that I realized I had been unconsciously training myself to have better sex.

Pleasure-Centered Sex Ed

It was ten years before I was like, “Wait a minute. This is why it’s gotten easier to get turned on and I can have more orgasms and have orgasms for more activities.” It was ten years before I went like, “Duh.” At that point, I had started going to classes about sexuality to learn more about sex, basically thinking it was just for me and my partners. I was learning stuff in sex world that I was bringing into the birth world. I’ve learned stuff in the birth world that was in sex world. I started to realize, “It’s all the same thing.” It’s not separate. It’s different parts of the same thing. At that point, I learned a whole bunch of more stuff and I thought, “I’ll teach a class for women about how to have great orgasms.”

Search For Buried Pleasure

What year was this, Sheri? How long ago?

Twenty-something years ago.

How was it received?

They loved it, and I loved it. It was so much fun. I was teaching that class occasionally, then my guy friends wanted to come to the class.

They don’t want to be left out.

I was like, “You can’t come to the class. It’s just for women.” They’re like, “We want to know. We want to be the first, so teach us.” I’m like, “All right.” I started teaching a class for men, A Secrets of Female Pleasure for Men class and that was so much fun. If you’re a heterosexual woman or a woman who partners with men, can you imagine the thrill of having a room full of men sitting and listening to every word you say?

Communication

All the things you’ve wanted to say, but you didn’t know how or you were too shy or they wouldn’t listen. Listening everywhere was great. That started expanding. That class led to more classes. I started teaching classes about sexual communication, boundaries, and some professional classes. I would teach care providers how to give an empowering pelvic exam.

That’s so needed.

How to take a good sexual history and what to do with what they get from the sexual history because they don’t know. Most of them have never studied human sexuality at all or maybe they had one three-hour lecture in their entire medical education. This includes OBGYNs. I was doing some professional trainings, and at this point, I had a curriculum of over 50 or 70 classes. It just got huge.

You’re so artsy that way. You were coming up with all these different classes.

Every class almost would lead to another one, like another idea, “We need this.” Over the course of that five years, I worked less in the clinic and I taught more classes. When I was around 45, I stopped working in the clinic and I was a holistic sexuality teacher. I made up the name because there wasn’t a name for what I did. What do I do? I’m like, “I teach pleasure-centered sex ed for grown-ups because that’s part of what’s missing. Even if you were lucky enough to get comprehensive sex education when you were a teenager, which many people didn’t even get that. Even if you did, what they call comprehensive education includes nothing about pleasure. Oops. Skip over that part.

No wonder there are so many unhappy people.

It does explain a lot why we have so many unhappy people. The state of sex education in this country for kids and teenagers is so abysmal. The states with the highest rates of teen pregnancy, the worst maternal and outcomes, and the worst outcomes for babies are the states that have the least amount or none or abstinence only sex education. It’s not a big shock.

The state of sex education in this country is so abysmal. Share on X

Here you are many years ago, teaching all of these classes. What made you decide, “I need to capture some of this in a book?”

One of the core classes, I started teaching it back when I was still a midwife. I used to call it Mats of the Clitoris. I had to change the title because it was about so much more than the clitoris. To back up, how did I learn this information? This is information that you’re not going to find in other books, that your healthcare providers don’t know and most sexuality educators don’t know.

How is it that I know? Here I was, back when I was a midwife, and I’d studied anatomy with a focus on female genital anatomy five times. In every one of those phases of my education, I studied it again, in more in depth. If you had asked me, I would have said, “I’m an expert. I know all there is to know about female genital anatomy.” Imagine my surprise when I picked up a book called New View of a Woman’s Body, put out by this organization of these radical lay health workers. I’m reading the chapter on genital anatomy and they start talking about the vestibular bulbs. I went, “The what?” I read it again. I looked at the illustration. I read it a third time, going, “What are you talking about? I’ve never heard of this.”

You’ve been at this point delivering babies and looking at vulvas for decades.

Female Erectile Network

Yes, I read the section. They talked about vestibular bulbs. They talked about how they were made up of erectile tissue and they became engorged. I put the book down, got a Gooseneck lamp, and got in front of a full-length mirror on the floor. I spread with the lamp on the mirror so I could see and I played with myself. I watched myself. I watched my vulva go from flaccid to engorged. I sat there with my mouth dropped over. I couldn’t believe it. I was like, how on earth did I not know this? How did I miss this?

“Right here on my body and I missed this.”

There’s a couple of reasons I missed it. One, it wasn’t in any of the anatomy books, except this one. It wasn’t anywhere. I’d never heard about it. I never thought about playing with that area underneath the labia. I never gave that much attention because everything I had learned.

Centered on the clitoris or the opening of the vagina.

The head of the clit and vaginal penetration. That’s what it’s supposed to be about. I realized I hadn’t been playing with this part. My partners weren’t playing with this part. If you don’t play with it, it’s not going to get as engorged. It might get a little engorged incidentally, but only when you give it the attention it deserves, is it going to get full-on erection like a full engorgement.

At that point, I said, “If I didn’t know this, what else am I missing? I bet there’s more. I bet this isn’t a urge.” I started what I now call the hunt for buried pleasure. It took me about ten years to put the whole map together. I would find these obscure references or documentaries. I would get a piece here and then a piece would drop into my lap from somewhere else. It was fascinating to me how I learned some of these things.

We’ve been told the uterus has got nothing to do with arousal and orgasm. In the United States, we have got the highest rate of hysterectomy. That’s the uterus is the world. What are doctors telling women? “Once you’re done having babies, you don’t need it. It’s got nothing to do with sexual pleasure. Now, I already knew that that wasn’t true because of a couple of things. One, I had patients who had hysterectomy who came in and said, “Sex is different. It’s okay. I still have orgasms. It’s just not as powerful. It feels like something’s missing.” They had said that to the surgeons and what did they do? They patted them and they said, “Honey, it’s in your head.”

That makes me crazy.

I know. I knew that that was wrong. I also knew that the uterus moves in your body throughout your fertility cycle. It’s in a different place when you’re about to bleed, a different place after you’ve bled, and a different place when you’re ovulating. I knew that because back when I was 19 or 20, I studied fertility awareness. I had been checking my own cervix to see if it moved. Also, I started using a cervical cap, which you have to put on your cervix.

That is a form of birth control that’s tinier than the diaphragm.

It’s smaller. It’s gone, by the way, which is horrible.

It’s not an option anymore.

A fantastic method. Don’t get me on that soapbox. Anyway, what I discovered, not only does my cervix, which you can feel of it, doesn’t move during my cycle, but it dramatically moves during arousal. What I discovered, if I was ovulating when it was already farthest up and I got aroused. I couldn’t put my cervical cap on.

It was too far back. Your finger is like, “How can I not get into this?”

Couldn’t get to it. I realized it moved. “How did it move?” I wondered. That was one of the things I was researching. I couldn’t find the answer. One day, I’m watching a documentary about sex, and they’ve got a little fiber optic camera inside of a vagina with a penis going in and out. The penis is going in and out, and you see the cervix up in the corner then you see the penis ejaculate.

You see the cervix go down and up. I looked at that and I went, “That’s what it’s doing. That’s the rhythm. I can feel it.” Again, I was like, “I got to know how this works.” Now I know how it moves. I even understand why it moves. When it does that, it’s helping suck up more sperm. The more sperm you get in the cervix, the better your chance of having a baby.

Permission to be Enchanting | Female Pleasure | Sheri Winston
Female Pleasure: The more sperm you get in the cervix, the better your chance of having a baby.

Mother nature is amazing.

It wants us to have babies. You don’t have to have an orgasm to get pregnant. I always like to say that but this is if you want to maximize the chance, if you want the best chance. The vagina is a hostile environment for sperm. Inside the cervix when a woman’s at the fertile time of her cycle.

That’s an oasis.

The sperm can live in these little glandular pockets for up to five days. The egg is only around for a day, but the sperm can get there a little early.

She comes late to the party. She makes sure all the men are waiting for her big arrival.

Exactly right. Now I know another piece of the puzzle. This is how it all came to me.

That is amazing. You had this curiosity.

I was hooked on this one, then I realized. Somewhere along the line, studying the anatomy, we’ve got structures that are called round ligaments. In male bodies, they’re ligaments. Not female bodies. In female bodies, it’s a muscle, cord-like muscle with a fibrous sheath. One end of it starts on top of the uterus. It goes over the pubic bone, and the other end attaches to the muscle that goes around the opening of the vagina. As if fertility, sex, and pleasure were all connected.

What a concept.

What happens when we get aroused is those aren’t round ligaments. We should be calling them the round uterine muscles. We get muscle tension that builds up. When we get around, they tighten and they pull the uterus forward and up. During orgasm, down and up. That’s the sensation women were missing. Amazing, right?

The doctors are saying, “It’s all in your head.”

“Honey, don’t worry.”

That is so dismissive.

Pretty little head about it. We know better. That’s a couple of the pieces that we have. We have a network of structures made out of our rectal tissue. The same stuff a penis is made out of. Pound for pound and inch for inch, we have as much erectile tissue in female bodies as male bodies.

Women, don’t you worry. It’s not all in the clitoris that you think is this tiny thing, but I will include the 3D model that I was so excited to support the researchers and buy 50 of those to give out to friends. It’s like, “What are you doing with this?” I don’t know. Everyone should have a 3D model of a clitoris so that you see the vestibular bulbs and the legs. You see what a magnificent structure all of this erectile tissue is so you realize we were meant for pleasure, people.

Now, does that model include the urethral sponge and the perineal sponge?

No, that would be the new stuff. You can add some of that.

Go to my website and look at the blogs about general anatomy, and you will see the whole thing. You’ll see what they’re talking about, which is great that they’ve got that part. They’ve got the three parts of the clitoris. They’ve got the vestibular bulbs, but what they’re missing is the tube of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra. It’s what people call the G-spot, but it’s not a spot.

It’s like a donut, a 3D erectile.

It’s more like a roll of paper towels.

That’s even better. You want that roll of paper towels to get nice and plump.

Not like a brand-new jumbo roll. If you imagine that the urethra is the cardboard tube, that’s our P-tube.

Perfect. I love the analogy.

The urethral sponge, it’s spongy erectile tissue, and it’s like the paper towels. When it’s not engorged, it’s like you’re at the end of the roll. When it’s been played with and stimulated adequately.

It is a jumbo roll.

We also have a erectile tissue under the floor between the vaginal and anal canals. That whole system of separate but connected structures is the female erectile network, which is a phrase I coined because nobody even seems to know we’ve got all these parts.

Female erectile network, FEN. I love it. You’re the FEN godmother.

I’m a FENminist.

I love that. We got a new word here, female erectile network. Is that what you said? I want to get that in my head.

The thing about the network is it’s similar to a penis and they’re both mostly made of erectile tissue, but it’s also very different. The penis is an all-or-nothing structure. You can’t have the head be hard and the shaft be soft. Either the whole thing is hard or semi-hard, or the whole thing could be soft. You can’t have one part be hard and one part be soft.

Your erectile network in female bodies is different because they are separate structures. This is why you can have a perfectly lovely arousal journey and a beautiful orgasm just with stimulation to the head of the clitoris. It’s like playing the guitar and singing a beautiful song. It can be gorgeous. What if you have the whole orchestra playing?

When we get the entire erectile network activated and puffed up all the different parts, then the music we make, our arousal and orgasms becomes bigger, wider, deeper, broader, and more diverse. If you want the best arousal and orgasm, get it all activated. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t know about the vestibular bulbs. I was having orgasms. They were clitoral focused orgasms. They were great orgasms. Once I discovered all the parts and made sure that they all got the attention that they love to get, sex for me became easier, bigger, wilder, and it’s a whole realm of orgasm. I used to think this is what an orgasm is, then when I discovered all this, it’s like, “Oh my goodness. There’s a spectrum of orgasms.”

Let’s then make sure that the reader, male or female, knows that’s why it’s so important. Women aren’t even experiencing this because we don’t typically get as much time that we’re given because either society or conditioning, we’re like, “I’m taking too long. Maybe he’s ready. He’s hard.” If this is a heterosexual couple. If you knew how long, give it twenty minutes. Give it some time or give it 30 minutes.

In your book, you said 30 because I’m going to tell you, Sheri, that’s what I needed in 2021 with a partner where he had potential but he wasn’t giving me enough time. I didn’t have the voice that I have now to say, “I’d like it if we spent more time on me because my pleasure will be so much higher.” I pull out your book, Sheri, and I’m like, “Let’s look at this. Do you realize that a woman gets more of this erectile tissue aroused but it’s not as fast as a man. It takes 30 minutes.” That was fantastic after we had that explanation and he got it. He’s like, “I would want you to have that,” but it took your book because I was too scared to say it myself.

There’s so many things in what you said. First of all, we all have to find our voice. We’ve got to and most of us certainly didn’t have it when we were teenagers. I didn’t make a sound. I didn’t say a word right. This is one of things I realized at a certain point, we need to learn. We need to learn how to communicate with our partner about what we want and what we like. That’s a whole skill set, which takes courage. That’s a skill as well. That’s a heart skill.

We need to learn how to communicate with our partner about what we want and what we like. Share on X

Courage doesn’t mean we’re not afraid or anxious. It means we do it anyway, like the firefighter running into the burning building to rescue the baby. They’re scared, but they do it because you’ve got to rescue the baby. Except, we’re the baby. We’ve got to rescue ourselves. We’ve got the skills of the heart courage being one of them, which the more we use it, the stronger it gets, which is important.

It gets easier. For me, I still feel cringy, but I told my girlfriend. I go, “I finally learned in life that someone’s feelings are always going to get hurt. There’s no way out of this life without hurting one’s feelings, but I am not going to always be the one that I don’t hurt someone else’s feelings, but I’m abdicating myself.” The more I do it, I see their faces. It hurts me, but when I’m speaking the truth and I’m saying something that I need, it’s with repetition, Sheri. I say, “I’m doing my own. I’m choosing myself and my needs above everyone else’s.”

It’s so important, and let me add, for most things we can learn how to communicate in an empathetic and loving way. Sometimes, you’re going to have to say something that isn’t going to hurt someone’s feelings. I’m going to say 90% of the time, if we communicate, we use like nonviolent communication or compassionate communication.

That’s a thing. We can put a link to that. It’s called nonviolent communication.

Honestly, I wouldn’t still be with my husband now if we hadn’t studied that deeply because we didn’t know how. In my 40s, I had gotten already like, “This is my voice. I’m going to say what I want and what I need.” I didn’t always say it in a nice way, and he had his communication styles that were not very helpful. We did all kinds of different relationships work over the years because our relationship was very volatile when we first got together. This is my second husband. My first husband and I had done a lot of work, but the cherry on the sundae was the nonviolent communication. That is what enabled us to be able to say almost anything in a loving way, even something that’s hard or difficult.

You have to do a show on that one. That sounds great.

You could have been learning this from kindergarten. This is stuff we need for every relationship in our lives. It starts with empathy for yourself then you can have empathy for other people. It starts with understanding. My partner didn’t trigger me. I triggered myself. He said something, and this is what I thought, this is what I made it mean, and the story I’m telling myself about it. When we can start to look at those stories, my story is my partner’s an asshole.

Which at some point in relationships people defaulted to that.

If instead, I can start with empathy for myself and going, “I’m upset. I’m mad. Underneath the man, I’m hurt,” because that’s almost always the thing.

That’s almost always underneath the iceberg.

Now, some people would go straight to heart. I would go to mad because that’s more powerful. If I could start with going, “I’m hurt,” then I can communicate to my partner, “I feel hurt.” Not, “You hurt me.” I feel hurt. When I heard you say this, this is what I thought that meant. This is the story I told myself. It’s this process. It’s so beautiful because it slows everything down and pulls it apart so that you can reconstruct it and learn how to say things in a different way. It’s amazing stuff. Anyway, I don’t know how I got off of that.

We got off on that because I was talking about in 2021 needing your book to have the guts to tell a partner that I needed more time. That our sex would be so much better if it was just that I had more time, and you were saying that it’s a skill and it is a skill.

Do you see how I went up with those huge curriculum classes?

Time

You’re an artsy brain. I could recognize that artsy brain, Sheri. We’re making connections all over the place in that brain. I want to bring it back to the point because I would love to have this through line in all of the episodes. Orgasms and female pleasure is going to fuel that creativity. It’s going to fuel that healthy brain. Part of that is it’s very healthy to have pleasure in our lives. We have to fight the norm of feeling guilt and shame about pleasure, wanting it, and feeling it.

It's very healthy to have pleasure in our lives. We have to fight the norm of feeling guilt and shame about pleasure and wanting it. Share on X

The thing about the time is so key. There’s two reasons we need that much time.

Please, tell people who are probably thinking, “I have never heard this before. She is telling me something what that women don’t.” Men, you think it and that erection can happen. I don’t even know how many seconds we could count it, but it could happen very quickly.

The difference between a microwave and a regular oven. For most men, arousal is very quick. Arousal and engorgement is very quick. For most men, their erotic energy is what we could call Yang energy. For most female people, our core erotic energy is Yin. In Yang energy, it starts in the sex center. For Yin folk, or pussycat, our erotic energy starts out in the connection, the context, the story, how we feel, and our environment, then it’s got to flow and drip past all our other energy centers.

It’s got to go past our brain and past our thinking. Our communication, our voice, “Do I feel like I can speak?” It goes past our heart, our love center. Is this in service to love of myself? Am I in love with this person? It’s got to go past our power center, and it’s got to come up past our root chakra, which is our safety center before it gets to our genitals.

That’s a lot of area.

It takes time for most women or, I should say, Korean people, pussycat people. It can take 30 to 45 minutes, and we’re easily distracted. Look at those cobwebs. I forgot to dust up there. I need to buy new. I went to my show and there’s lunch. We get distracted easily. Back to that root chakra, the safety set, if we don’t feel safe, forget about it. Learn this from healthy women and birth babies. If you don’t feel safe, you can’t open up.

If you don't feel safe, you can't open up. Share on X

Let’s repeat that because that’s an important one. If you and your body don’t feel safe, you are not going to open up. That isn’t having a baby. That is in a sexual encounter. You will be constricting those. We are very good with flinching.

It’s an animal body thing. I can think I’m safe, but that doesn’t mean my animal body feels safe. One of my cats is a boy cat, but he acts like a girl. I need to seduce him every single time. I’ve got another cat, I could just roll her on her back and rub her tummy. She’s got more yang energy, but my boy cat has got this yin energy. I have to connect, smell, and go at the right speed. I’ve got to pay attention to his signals and his mood.

I will eventually get the purring puddle of pussy, but every single time, I got to go through all that again. With one of my other cats, I could roll her on her back and rub her tummy now. She’s like a dog, which is what that yang masculine energy is very like. It’s that dog energy. It’s not bad. It’s just different. We don’t have any models about that. We need the time because we need to get all the energy moving to our genitals. We need the time because, in order to engorge all those different parts, they need to get stimulated. We need to play with them and that takes time.

A lot of those are on the inside, people.

Some parts are on the inside.

You got the labia that you can, which you were saying is new, and that’s new in the recent years. It’s like, it is pleasurable to use fingers, mouth, gently on the labia. It’s a very pleasurable body part that we’re not used to touching.

It’s because we weren’t taught that there was anything there to play with. There’s anything worth playing. The other thing, the other reason it takes longer is arousal is an altered state of consciousness. It’s a trance state. We go in and out of little trances all the time. If I’m watching TV, I’m in a little TV trance.

If I’m driving the car down the highway for a long time, I’m up here. I’m having a fantasy. I’m making grocery lists, I’m imagining or planning a renovation. I’m in a little trance. On the highway, as soon as brake lights go in front of me, I drop out of that little trance right back into being present driving my car because that’s a light trance. We don’t want to go through a heavy trance driving the car.

Operating heavy machinery.

In our sexual arousal journey, we start out by going into a light trance. When we’re in that light trance, we’re easily distracted, particularly by anything that doesn’t feel safe. We’ll come right out of that trance or the phone rings, right out of that trance.

You’re in your baby cry.

We’ll be out of that trance in a hot New York minute. What we want to do is we want to go deep into the trance. The more time we take, the deeper the trance. This goes for all humans. For people who are more yang-centered, which is most men and some women, but mostly men, taking that extra time that we women tend to need. It’s good for them, too. They’ll get deeper in the trance. They’ll have better arousal and better orgasms, too.

This is a win-win, taking that time to make sure that our biochemical brainwave state is in a deep trance. Our energy has moved into our sex centers, and everything is puffed up and engorged. I’ll say one more thing, why it’s also real win for partners. We’re going to want to have sex more. We’re going to be into it. We’re going to love it. We’re going to want to do more of it and be generous in doing lovely things to you as well. It’s a real virtuous cycle of giving and receiving pleasure.

A Primal Life Force

That’s some wonderful stuff you laid on us, Sheri. You’re the 40-plus years of teaching in very fun ways with humor and great visuals that people can understand. No wonder they’re like, “Give me more. Tell us more. We just learned this. Now, what else can we learn?”

There’s so much to learn, honestly.

I do want to make sure that any reader who has not seen Sheri’s book, you need to get it. It’s a Bible that you should have. I’m serious because I don’t say this about many books. This is a book that every person who wants to have pleasure should have. It breaks it down in ways like you’ve said but so many more. The visuals are pretty. You drew a lot of the diagrams, did you not?

The anatomy illustrations are all mine and a couple of the other illustrations, then it’s got all that fun vintage erotic art.

Which is so fun to look at. I gave it to a young couple when they got married and I said, “Happy wedding. This, you need to be looking at together.” It’s what we didn’t learn. You certainly taught some new things. I loved the whole with the uterus. I knew that it tilted, but I didn’t know some of the other stuff. It’s so fascinating.

I’d like to make sure we circle back with one thing. Maybe you think, “everyone wants to talk about this.” Every mammal, every female mammal has a clitoris. Is that not true? We are wired that pleasure is part of healthy being. This holistic sexuality is part of a different circuit. It’s a play circuit. It’s a lust circuit. If we’re going with the whole yuck-pank-set, if I’m saying it correctly.

When people think about who benefits when women are not allowed to feel all their pleasure and you ask that question. That’s why some readers, you’re thinking, “I had no idea that all of this is here. You’re more controllable. You haven’t experienced all these things that might make you even more creative and feel more powerful. Your pleasure is part of your connection to all of this good stuff that I believe is my mission, that women need to be turned on from the inside out with all of this ability that they don’t even know that they have. It doesn’t have to be with a partner. You could do all of this yourself. She’s shaking her head. That’s an empowered woman. We will help change the world and make it better.

I agree with everything you just said, and I will add a couple of things. First of all, the sex drive is the number two primal force of life, 1) personal survival, and 2) reproduction. That goes for all life that’s multicellular. It’s reproduction. It is the life force. When we get born and how did we? Someone had sex and we got born. Let me tell you a little story, and that is that the template of ecstasy is right there.

Permission to be Enchanting | Female Pleasure | Sheri Winston
Female Pleasure: The sex drive is the number two primal force of life.

If we were all born in a loving, warm, and secure environment where nobody was freaking out, there were no bright lights, no drugs, no machines, and no strangers poking your vagina, if we’re born in that environment, and I’ve been lucky enough to attend home births and water births, let me tell you what happens to those babies when they’re born. Are they screaming and crying like we see on TV? No. They come out, and they are ecstatic. Everyone’s ecstatic. We’re all in this field of ecstasy, this energy field of ecstasy. Mama is in the energy field of ecstasy with my baby.

She just grabbed her cat.

This is my cat. This is the angel. This is the Bodhisattva. The teacher of love. He’s such a little angel. He’s a love bunny.

Those babies come out and everyone’s in an ecstasy vibration.

The babies are beaming. They’re not crying, scared, and screaming. They are looking around with a smile on their face. This bullshit that babies don’t smile when they’re born. These babies come out like little bodhisattvas. They’re just beaming love, happiness, and joy. That’s what most of us didn’t get when we were born, but that template is inside of us.

The other thing about this is that the sexual drive will manifest itself. It is unstoppable. Now, how will it manifest? If we have hopefully grown up with some love and some care and getting most of our needs met. It’ll manifest as love, joy, connection, pleasure, and good relationships with ourselves and others. Unfortunately, in some people, it gets twisted and it comes out as violence and evil. The pedophile priests are the example of they’ve been told, “This is bad.”

Trying to force something that is a life force that you can’t stop.

It gets twisted and it comes out ugly, but it’s going to come out one way or another. That is another piece of that. The last thing I want to say is all organisms, even the simplest ones, will move towards pleasure. They will move towards a food source. An amoeba will move towards a food source. That’s pleasure. That’s how foundational it is. Our earliest ancestors moved toward the light. They moved towards the food and more pleasurable environments. That’s how ancient pleasure is.

Unfortunately, we live in a pretty sex-negative, pleasure-negative, and woman-negative culture. They are always connected. Every sex-negative culture is a woman-negative culture. Every culture that keeps women from being free and empowered is also sex-negative. It always goes together. The stuff we see going on in the United States is this attempt by these mostly old men, but not all, by these people who are terrified of women and will do anything to disempower us.

Every sex negative culture is a woman negative culture. Every culture that keeps women from being free and empowered is also sex negative. It always goes together. Share on X

That’s why they don’t want us to control our fertility. That’s why they’re gone after abortion. They’re going after contraception. Make no mistake. Contraception is next. They’re going after our right to travel out of state if we’re pregnant. They want to monitor our uteruses so they can know when we’re pregnant and make sure we have those babies. After we have those babies, are they going to help us? Are they going to give us paid leave? Are they going to give us universal health care? Are they going to give us child care? No. Once you have those babies, you are on your own.

We sure fought for you to keep it, but are we there to help you and support you so you could maybe go back to school and finish a high school and degree even?

That would be empowering. This is all about power and their dysfunctional relationship with it. Power and being empowered yourself within yourself, empowered by love and connection. That’s a fine thing, but this is power over others. This is domination power.

Power over, which is very different then.

Partnership power.

Why sage advice, my dear?

Sexual Empowerment

You’re living interesting times. I’ve got all these little taglines. One of them is “saving the world one orgasm at a time.” I believe that sexual empowerment and the personal confidence, comfort, and power that it gives us is life world changing.

Sister, I’m on your bus. I’ve been on that bus, and that’s why I’m doing this show because I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. I can’t unsee it anymore. I want other people to feel this because there is nothing. You can’t read it. This comes from the inside out and so, I do. I want “saving the world one orgasm at a time”. Was that it?

Are you on board with that?

I’m on board with that. Let’s help the world have more orgasms, but I say, the ones where you’re either soloed, but we would take down some of this, as you said, this energy that’s coming out in the wrong way if you could have this partnered, loving and nurturing energy. That’s what changes hearts and minds and gets them where you want to do good. You want to do better, but until you feel that, it’s like a whole other continent that you’ve never been to. You have no idea. We’re talking a different language if you’re reading and you haven’t had any inkling that that’s possible.

If you’ve been raised your whole life thinking sex is bad, sex is sinful, sex is wrong, women are weak, or they’re there to be dominated, you’ve had these beliefs. If you’ve been raised in certain religious environments and cultures with these beliefs, it’s hard to step out of that for people.

It’s hardwired in and it takes a lot of work to keep.

I’m going to say not hardwired, deeply softwired.

Let’s offer hope there. Deeply because it is deeply but softwired. It’s not something you read and you go, “I now don’t have fear about this,” because that’s in ourselves.

I also like to think that we learn sex like we learn to play an instrument. We’re a combination of nature and nurture. We’ve all got this animal body, an ancient part of us. Sex is hardwired into that. Animals know how to mate. Animals don’t know how to mate in multiple positions. There’s no tantra for tigers. They’ve got a choreography and they do their choreography, but we’re humans.

For us, our sexuality has got an enormous learned component. That means we can unlearn, relearn, learn new things, and learn new skills. All of the stuff I talk about, learning how to have orgasms for women who haven’t learned yet. Learning how to have more orgasms, bigger orgasms, and different kinds of orgasms. Orgasms from different kinds of stimulation. That’s all learnable. Our beliefs about sex, is it good or is it bad? That’s all learnable, and we can reprogram If we want to. We got to want to first.

If we want to, you have to want to open and go through that door.

We can reprogram. The wonderful thing in this day and age is we know a lot about our brains work. We know how to reprogram them. We know that there are certain shortcuts we can use to reprogram our thinking, for example. In fact, there’s a little interesting tidbit. When we’re in an altered state of consciousness, like if we get hypnotized, do you know how we can reprogram in that state more easily? Sexual arousal is an altered state.

Arousal is an altered state of consciousness. It's a trance state. Share on X

It’s a beautiful time to reprogram. Let’s give an example, how many women feel bad about their genitals? They think they’re ugly, funny-looking, smelly, and nasty. They’re just not nice. You want to reprogram that. The next time you’re in a state of arousal, think loving thoughts about your genitals. Think about how beautiful they are, how delicious they are, or how sexy they are. By thinking those thoughts while you’re in a state of arousal, you will change your mind faster than if you did that same practice while you’re driving your car. You can do that, too. You can do it anytime. The most important time to do it is going to be when you’re in an altered state.

You dropped a ton of great sexy tips and visuals in my mind as you’re talking of how you can have this better sex for yourself or for your partner or better life. I love that.

It’s not just sex because honestly, when you learn how to have better sex, you become so much more confident and comfortable in your skin and with your voice. It shifts this foundational sense of internal authority. It makes you happy. It makes you joyful. It’s antidepressant. It’s anti-anxiety. It helps relieve pain. It’s good for your blood pressure, your heart, and your circulatory system. It’s good for everything, physical and emotional. It’s pretty profound.

When you learn how to have better sex, you become so much more confident and comfortable in your skin and with your voice. Share on X

I’m so happy that you are the one saying all this because it’s like you’re saying the things that I wish other people knew and yet, you have the background that you have lived it like I have or you have taught it. It’s in your book and it’s profound. That’s why you call it the holistic because it goes to everything. It affects a woman’s confidence as you said so much so.

That ripples out to every person in our lives, every community we’re part of, and ultimately our whole culture. We can change culture.

I know. Sister, you’re on my page. It’s like, “This is exactly why I want to do this show, to just plant those seeds. This is how we are going to change the world. This is how we do it through pleasure.”

I’m with you, sister.

Sheri, I love you. I say that often enough but my heart is so happy. Readers, it’s so fun. She’s saying all these words of wisdom for the last ten minutes as she’s stroking her cat because animals are so wonderful like that. That’s why it’s holistic. Maybe you’re in that trans state.

This is heading. Heading an animal puts you in a very endorphin-filled trans state. People who have pets live seven years longer. Isn’t that remarkable?

It’s remarkable.

You don’t have to have animals because you get into this little trance and you get endorphins. They get endorphins and they give them back. You get this lovely endorphin exchange, and it’s so pure. With people, it’s not always so clear, clean, or pure. We have partners and all this, but with these little angelic beings, it’s just nothing but love. It’s such a gift.

They are. Thank you so much for your time, Sheri, and sharing all of this. I wish for this to land and get in so many people’s ears to plant a seed about some of these wonderful things, especially these last ten minutes. It’s like you’re Dharma talk as you’re petting your cat, “Let me tell you about life of my grasshopper.”

Thank you so much for doing this show. I’ve enjoyed this conversation so much. Another one of my little taglines is, “It’s a business doing pleasure with you.”

Permission to be Enchanting | Female Pleasure | Sheri Winston
Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure

Readers, go get her Women’s Anatomy of Arousal.

Go visit my website and start with reading blog posts.

Sheri, what is your website?

IntimateArtsCenter.com. There’s tons of blog posts. I’ve got recorded online classes and courses, which is a great way to get lots of in-depth information with lots of visuals. You can get my books there. You can get them at Amazon. Women’s Anatomy for Arousal is available as an audiobook, which I narrated, which is so much fun. You can download the anatomy illustrations, which is a nice way if you’re into audiobooks.

It’s also available in Kindle, but honestly, the physical is so much better. The way the images and everything are laid out, every page is a work of art, at least that was my goal. It’s available in a couple of other languages, but you can start by going to the website and reading blogs. Book if you want courses. I do consultations for people who want that. Share the love. Let other people know.

Thank you so much.

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About the Guest

Permission to be Enchanting | Female Pleasure | Sheri WinstonDegrees after her name include, CNM, RN, BSN, LMT.
Sheri Winston is a wholistic sex educator with over 50 classes and workshops that she has created to teach pleasure centered sex for grown-ups. Her information is derived from decades of experience as a certified nurse-midwife, gynecology practitioner, registered nurse, childbirth educator, massage therapist and student of the esoteric erotic arts. She is the founder and executive director of The Center for the Intimate Arts (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com).

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